Now, before I give you my thoughts on pages 1-118 let me clarify my feelings. I do not hate this book simply because the masses like it. The Twilight series has gotten a lot of anti reading teenage girls reading. That is to be commended. The book makes my toenails curl because adults have hoped on the bandwagon. I want to pull out my hair because it is a mockery of all things awesomely vampire. I want to shout 'I am woman' because this book is so ridiculously patronizing of women. I want to sit down and cry because after all the love I have loved and lost it's the wrong messages about love that are in this book.
It can't be denied that the series is a cultural phenomenon. I just wish culture would latch onto something worthwhile for once.
Sigh.
Anyway, the first 118 pages have opened my eyes to many new things to dislike. Here is a play by play. Proceed at your own risk.
Bella is the new girl in school and within two days she has two guys who are like in love with her. Someone punch me in the face PLEASE. As a girl who has been the new girl in countless schools, you don't get paramours the first two days; you get lunchtime in a bathroom stall. Call me jealous. I guess they never said this book was realistic.
No way. The vampires go to high school. Seriously? What does a vampire want with high school? They go to class. They don't even bite people during passing periods. What kind of messed up vampire novel is this? Where is Buffy the vampire slayer when I need her?
Oh, don't worry, Bella doesn't like to talk, falls over everything, and is moody but is somehow popular. Right. Oh, and she is super smart. Faulkner? Totally read that. This lab? Totally have already done it. If that is true why the hell is she in these crap classes? Why aren't her parents talking to the counselors to get her into better classes?
Speaking of parents. Bells left her mom so she (the mom) could gallivant off with her new minor league baseball playing husband. Oh, and her dad is really busy being town sheriff. But don't worry, she sends emails to her mom and whips up dinners for her dad. You know, when she isn't swooning. So glad this novel provides good parental role models.
Let's get to why we are really here folks. The love story. That is what this is supposed to be right? A teen romance novel. Just like Romeo & Juliet, only sucky. So Eddie is pretty much in love with Bells the moment he sees her. Only he shows it by pushing her away. That actually rings true. I get that. What I don't get is the paradox of Bells needing saving like ALL THE TIME while also calling herself stupid for liking vampy Eddie. Oh and don't worry, Eddie tells Bells how incredibly bad he is for her (you know, because he can't seem to lie to her...sigh). Girlfriend just doesn't listen. Typical.
During a science class they test their blood types. Wow. Seriously? They actually prick their fingers and put blood drops on slides. Honestly? 1. law suit and 2. these vampires suck. They are in the same school (remember, they go to school like good little vampires, except when their feelings for certain ladies are too much to handle, then they ditch) and you are trying to tell me they didn't come to take advantage of an entire room of flowing blood?
Three people asked Bells to the Sadie Hawkins dance. That is where the girl asks the GUY to the dance. You are trying to tell me that not one, not two, but three high school boys couldn't wait for Bells to ask them to the dance to the point where each asked her? To her face? Are you kidding? Are we sure Bells isn't the one who sparkles in daylight?
There is fiction and there is fiiiiiction. The book is pretty much fantasy at this point. I want to punch Bells in the face and then show Eddie how to be a real vampire.
Thankfully, I am also reading Dracula: The Un-Dead. In that book, a duchess vampire just took a bath in the blood of a peasant she tortured.
Ball's in your court Eddie.
"We scowled at each other in silence. I was the first to speak, trying to keep myself focused. I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel."
Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
Given the following of this book, I was secretly hoping that you would write that you were wrong and sorry that you had made fun of it and that it really is a good read.
ReplyDeleteOnce again I'm disappointed by the masses!