I like to think of bitter as the new onyx

Never finish a book right before you go to sleep. You won't be able to sleep.

But I always have to test theories, don't I?

This time it isn't my fault (it is totally my fault). It is Jennifer Lancaster's. Yeah, I'm calling her out. It is her and her book, Bitter is the New Black. And maybe the Chicago Public Library. Yup, all of them. Definitely not me.

Evidence in timeline form:

10:20 p.m. - Hang up with the BF. Close my eyes.

10:33 - In a fit of eternal optimism check my computer one more time to see if my Internet is working. INTERNET IS WORKING. Play.

10:45 - Check my library materials online. Both books are overdue and CPL doesn't allow you to renew overdue materials. I haven't yet finished Bitter is the New Black.

10:46 - Snuggle down with BITNB. 180 pages left.

12: 49 a.m. - Finish BITNB, text BF "going to bed now" so someone knows how late I am up. Close eyes.

12:50 - Baby cat can tell I mean business about this sleeping thing. Moves into cuddle spot. Even lets me pet her with no biting.

12:55 - Commence thinking about BITNB. About living in the Chi / life choices / love / weddings / apartment searching / blogging / hatred of corporate America / friends / new friends / old friends / family / book writing / pearls / public transportation...

1:29 - Text BF "What the hell is wrong with me? This is going to be painful tomorrow."

1:30 - Put on face mask (I am a diva, it helps me sleep) and stop incessantly looking at my phone to see just how little sleep I will be getting.

approx. 2:00 - Fall asleep...

So thanks Jen. Thanks for writing a funny book that takes place in the Chi so I know all the places you talk about. Thanks for being witty and heartfelt so that when I finish reading your book I think about things. Thanks a lot.

"Essentially, you allowed fruity rum punch to alter the course of your life TWICE? Oh, my God, you're such a WHORE!"
Jen Lancaster