Lines that don't work on girls and the reasons why:
Scenario One
Striped Corduroy Blazer Hoop Earring Guy: "That's a really nice diamond on your right hand, are you Presbyterian?"
Unsuspecting Girl: "Thanks. What?"
Striped Corduroy Blazer Hoop Earring Guy: " You know, Presbyterians, they wear their wedding ring on their right hand."
Commentary
OK fine, comment on the ring - played out, but fine. Presbyterian? I mean, I'm Catholic so I don't have a font of knowledge about the Presbyterian religion but I am pretty sure they wear their wedding rings on their left hand. In fact, just to make sure, I Googled it this morning and could find no trace of religions who display marriage on their right hand. To my knowledge, the only people who wear engagement/wedding type rings on their right hand are people who are baller and have right hand rings, those who are divorced but still love their rings, and those who are pretending they are not married but don't want to lose their rings for fear of the wrath they will receive if they lose it. In all three of these scenarios it doesn't help your case to mention the ring right off the bat, especially when you have a hoop earring in the top of your left ear and fought with the bartender about her taking your beer (which had one sip left) while you were stumbling around, talking to people, leaving your beer untended - you could have been ruffeed!
Scenario Two
(prop for scenario two - wall-size aerial shot of an Ohio State game)
White Sweatshirt Guy: Pointing to a random person, "That's my dad."
Unsuspecting Girl: "Really?"
White Sweatshirt Guy: "No, that is just a line."
Commentary
Oh White Sweatshirt Guy. You thought by putting out a lame line and then recognizing it as a line you could come off as funny. That really only begins to sound plausible 5 beers in, so Unsuspecting Girl already knows you are drunk. If you want to go with a line like that you really need a full story, like: "Yeah my dad is this crazy OSU fan and he went down to the game, it was in 97, he didn't even have tickets. He was walking around Columbus looking to buy one and this woman with a baby was crossing the street and he saved her from almost getting hit by this police car which was chasing some bank robber. Well an onlooker saw this and was so moved by my dad's heroics that he gave him his ticket. My dad is my role model and they were really good seats, 50 yard line."
This story probably won't get you the girl, but neither would that line, so at least make it amusing.
Scenario Three
Spiky Hair Guy: Grabbing arm of Unsuspecting Girl, "Coco Channel?"
Unsuspecting Girl: "Yes - how do you know that?
Spiky Hair Guy: "It's my job.... I'm a guy."
Commentary
So close to being legitimate. When a guy can recognize what scent a woman is wearing it is major brownie points. Here is where poor SHG went wrong.... Never grab a girl's arm, especially one you don't know. It is proprietary, assuming and just plain wrong. You aren't Ike Turner, so give a girl a tap on the shoulder or if you are super bold a hand on the small of her back. When you say 'it's my job', the girl is thinking - "Sweet, I have found a new gay best friend who works at the perfume counter at Nordstrom!!" But alas (sigh), no - you are just Spiky Hair Guy, professional smeller of women.
There is an overarching problem with all of these scenarios. It is guys throwing lines out there in the hopes that some low self esteem or lonely girl will latch onto them. There was no premeditation of these lines. You didn't work for it, you probably didn't even think about the line until you blurted it out. This is obvious to the girl and it will make her be mean to you.
What do girls want? It's simple: to feel special. To feel like you are having a 'moment' with them. Not a cliche, cheesy moment, but a moment where she says to herself, "Hey, this might be real." Now, the obvious counter-point would be: how can you possibly have a sincere moment in a crowded bar where two feet from you some guy is doing his one dance move to another unsuspecting girl? I would say it is nearly impossible, but there is no need to make it worse.
How about next time you want to throw a line out there, you try this one.... 'Hi'.
Monday, November 12, 2007
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4 comments:
What a night we had… I can’t believe you didn’t mention the really aggressive host at the Met who told me I smelled so delicious he was DROOLING. I’m glad we bolted out of there before he could ask for my digits.
Also awesome: the recent text exchange I had with a guy, who ended the conversation:
Guy: “Well I hope you feel better. What are you watching while you stay in?”
Me: “I’m just hanging out with a friend, watching Sex and the City DVDs…”
Guy: “Not to my taste, but to each their own.”
Is it me, or does that ring of pompous superiority? I am a girl. And I like Sex and the City. This is common. Learn a thing or two about females, buddy.
That said, I think you might be too hard on guys in this post. I mean, minus the really ridiculous Presbyterian line from the guy who was obnoxiously wasted, it’s hard for guys to approach girls, let alone be super smooth. My rule of thumb is typically: Do you seem sincere? OK. Did you make me laugh? Even better. Like, when the “white sweatshirt” guy came up and said to me, “Hey look! That’s my Dad!” – I still thought it was funny, and I was obviously caught off guard enough to say “Really?” (REALLY, MOLLY? Did you really say, “REALLY?”, like it could ACTUALLY be his DAD?”) He might have botched his pick up line, but to his defense, he could have walked away thinking, “Wow, that girl is an IDIOT. OBVIOUSLY I was trying to pick her up, and instead of flirting back, she was squinting at the little faces trying to find my father.”)
Anyway. all I’m saying is that it takes some nerve to have game, and some of the sweetest, cutest guys probably mess up from time to time with lines that don’t work, or with efforts that fall way short of being baller.
Not all of us are as baller as you though, C. ;)
I tots forgot both Dreadlock Host Guy and Inappropriate Text Guy.
Maybe I am just feeling harsh today?
Maybe it is that if I like you, none of this stuff would bother me. If I like you, you could say all the stupid things you wanted and I would think it was adorable. It is getting me to like you that is the hard part ; )
So perhaps Sat. night my tolerance was really low and I was easily annoyed.
But seriously - what is wrong with a guy spending a little time on a girl?? I didn't say money, I said time. We are worth it! Raise the bar M!
Now I am ranting.
I agree with Momo in that it is extremely difficult to go up and talk to girls - that being said, it amazes me that guys think some lines will work. I had the misfortune of witnessing a guy walk up to a girl and simply say, "I have a speed boat." That is classy.
It is intimidating to walk up and try to start a conversation, though. I seem to have more luck with just making a joke about something going on in the bar. It isn't THAT hard to come up with something on the spot.
PS - I am a little slow and just putting together that you were the Claire I met at Liquid this weekend. I am a little upset I wasn't cited with a nickname like "Fake Mustache Guy" or "Awkward Green Jacket Man". For the record - I still managed to get a girl's number, so there is maybe it all comes down to luck.
Like I said - I might just be harsh today.
How about we left the bar and M was like so that was Narm... and I was like - what? The guy we just were talking to? She says she introduced you as that, but you know how the bar is -- it is like Claire this is hiworgnksld, and I am like, cool one of M's friends!
Obviously the stache and jacket threw me, maybe if you would have double popped it one more time I would have connected the dots : )
Now, see - maybe I am not harsh because even with the fake mustache and crazy jacket I still knew you were cool.
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